It's just an ordinary day and it's all in your state of mind.

I haven't just sat around and listened to music for such a long time. In some ways, I think having a tv in my room is a terrible thing. It's always there, and it's so easy to turn it on and veg out. I need to go to the library today and find some more books to occupy my time. I'm divided about school. Do I really want it to start? I'm starting to feel weird without having homework to do. But I do so hate homework.

I am pretty darn pleased with what I have accomplished this summer. I just got a car that makes me wriggle with joy everytime I remember that it is not the Corolla. I had an awesome California trip. I managed to find a job with few hours, but varied tasks so I don't feel like shooting myself in the head. I've seen lots of movies. I've spent copious hours with my friends. I'm undoing past damage, slowly but surely. I now have a wonderful kitty who usually runs down the stairs to meet me when I get home, and who curls up at the foot of my bed. I've been to the river. And now I'm looking forward to a Yukon/BC driving adventure! I really can't believe in that old "champagne year" birthday bullcrap. I was born on April 18. And my year of being 18, not so good as 19. And 19, not as good as 20. Fuck, it's so good not to be a teenager anymore. On the ferry on Monday, I saw my friend Nickie (she works on the ferry) and said hi. My mom asked me several minutes later who "that woman" I had said hi to was. It was weird having someone my age referred to as a woman, but I guess it's true. We are legally adults. Young adults, but still. Not children. I like my freedom, and I want more of it. Being a child is good for a lot of things, but I am so radically different now. It's strange to look back and know that that kid was me. Sometimes I feel like I have someone else's memories. Like everything I remember from my childhood didn't actually happen, I just imagined everything.