Oh, this is going to be good. A change was overdue. I realize I've become kind of antisocial... Sorry. When I get by myself too much, that's all I want to do. I'm totally fine sitting at home alone, which is good but also bad since I don't bother to call anyone. Not that I wanted to go calling anyone at 11:30 or later after work... But that's over now. Oh, two weeks off will be much appreciated! Makeup and girl's clothing and nicer hair! Hurray! Social situations! Hurray!! Using my own dishes and buying all of my own groceries and having my space... Exploring and relaxing and getting back to the theatre life. I think I am ready.
I am he as you are he as you are me, and we are all together.
Speaking words of wisdom, "let it be"
Nothing that you can say but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy.
Nothing that you can do but you can learn how to be you in time. It's easy. All you need is love.
No where that you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy. All you need is love.
But when you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out. Don't you know that it's gonna be alright?
Say you'll change the constitution, well you know, we all want to change your head. Tell me it's the institution, well you know, you better free your mind instead.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox, they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.
Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me.
I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love.
With every mistake, we must surely be learning.
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free. Come together right now...
Any time you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
Some music is beyond good.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
And I know it's real slow, honey. Painful and real slow...
I just looked at my room and realized that I'm a bachelor. Realizations like that sound stupid because of their obviousness, but I still need to have them. There are clean clothes that I don't want to fold, there are clothes on the floor. There are a couple dishes around. There are a couple of weird posters for Shaun of the Dead and Army of Darkness. And I got to thinking, would I be any different as a guy? I don't think I would be a whole lot different, to tell the truth. I'd still get high. Maybe more often? I could be oblivious about girls instead of guys, I could still like cooking, I'd still have a messy room. Probably not a cat, though. No artificial flowers, that's for sure. Ok, no tarot cards and numerology. Star Trek figures, probably. Beer, yes. Small collection of booze, yes. Computer, stereo, tv, yes. I don't think a guy would have so many plants. I have a lot of plants. And I might not get the same thrill out of home things like dishes and bedsheets. I'd be missing out, really. Home furnishings are where it's at. And I think males are conditioned to hold back emotion (duh) so oh shit, I'd be a wall. Ha! It's a good thing I'm not a man, I'd have no chance at relationships. Unless I was lucky enough to have a girl melt me down.
I spent almost all day in pj's and only left the house at 7pm to go rent a couple movies and buy beer. That's probably what got me thinking about how small these ideas that separate us are. We're all just people. I like the thought that I wouldn't be so different with male bits instead. Maybe I'd work out if I were a guy. Just maybe, though. Abs are nice. I do miss it. It's a knee jerk reaction, turning myself off, withdrawing. Gotta work on that. You know it's not good when you're more of a prude than your mother. I'm still wondering how I started not allowing myself to be anything but a girl who's a friend. Every now and again I find a trigger, a tid bit of fear telling me to back down, go away, not try. WTF, BRAIN. You aren't helping me out of this, you want to stay the same. The same is boring. I choose change. In a little over a week, at least. Soon.
I spent almost all day in pj's and only left the house at 7pm to go rent a couple movies and buy beer. That's probably what got me thinking about how small these ideas that separate us are. We're all just people. I like the thought that I wouldn't be so different with male bits instead. Maybe I'd work out if I were a guy. Just maybe, though. Abs are nice. I do miss it. It's a knee jerk reaction, turning myself off, withdrawing. Gotta work on that. You know it's not good when you're more of a prude than your mother. I'm still wondering how I started not allowing myself to be anything but a girl who's a friend. Every now and again I find a trigger, a tid bit of fear telling me to back down, go away, not try. WTF, BRAIN. You aren't helping me out of this, you want to stay the same. The same is boring. I choose change. In a little over a week, at least. Soon.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Ain't no mountain high enough...
I actually don't have anything to say right now, other than it is quarter to twelve and I am full of energy. And I wanted a post with this title.
So Cactus has taken over my life. I wonder if I'll feel the same in a year? Never know. Would be cool though. Victoria is hopefully at least as good, or better. Fingers crossed.
Oooo I bought paint today to spruce up my ugly white bookshelf that I've had since childhood. Vibrant red and blue. Lisa, I need your creative talents to make it better than I imagine. Fuck, I am so excited to move out. I would even go as far as to say "stoked," and that is a word that doesn't get much play in my vocabulary.
It's going to be strange going back to theatre. This summer has had nothing to do with theatre for me. Back to school always seems like another world after four months vacation. Well, going back to Mal for second year was different because of the familiarity. But once again, at a new school, which makes the difference. Not knowing the school environment, having to learn a new campus...It's a bit uncomfortable. Third time's the charm, eh. I should stop reminding myself that this is my third school. I WILL finish this degree. And someday I will know what I really want to do. Right now I'm going to go with the flow I've set up for myself.
Musical interlude!
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough baby
If you need me call me
no matter where you are
no matter how far (don't worry baby)
just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
you don't have to worry
chorus:
'Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe
Remember the day
I set you free
I told you you could always count on me darling
From that day on
I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
some way somehow
Chorus
No wind,
No rain
Or winter's cold
Can't stop me baby
'cause you are my beau
(if you're ever in trouble
I'll be there on the double
just send for me)
ooo baby
My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
just as fast as I can
Don't you know that there aint no
mountain high enough,
ain't no valley low enough,
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe
Don't you know that there aint no
mountain high enough,
ain't no valley low enough
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe
So Cactus has taken over my life. I wonder if I'll feel the same in a year? Never know. Would be cool though. Victoria is hopefully at least as good, or better. Fingers crossed.
Oooo I bought paint today to spruce up my ugly white bookshelf that I've had since childhood. Vibrant red and blue. Lisa, I need your creative talents to make it better than I imagine. Fuck, I am so excited to move out. I would even go as far as to say "stoked," and that is a word that doesn't get much play in my vocabulary.
It's going to be strange going back to theatre. This summer has had nothing to do with theatre for me. Back to school always seems like another world after four months vacation. Well, going back to Mal for second year was different because of the familiarity. But once again, at a new school, which makes the difference. Not knowing the school environment, having to learn a new campus...It's a bit uncomfortable. Third time's the charm, eh. I should stop reminding myself that this is my third school. I WILL finish this degree. And someday I will know what I really want to do. Right now I'm going to go with the flow I've set up for myself.
Musical interlude!
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough baby
If you need me call me
no matter where you are
no matter how far (don't worry baby)
just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
you don't have to worry
chorus:
'Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe
Remember the day
I set you free
I told you you could always count on me darling
From that day on
I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
some way somehow
Chorus
No wind,
No rain
Or winter's cold
Can't stop me baby
'cause you are my beau
(if you're ever in trouble
I'll be there on the double
just send for me)
ooo baby
My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
just as fast as I can
Don't you know that there aint no
mountain high enough,
ain't no valley low enough,
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe
Don't you know that there aint no
mountain high enough,
ain't no valley low enough
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Give up the grudge...
Let's get this straight. This is an anonymous blog. You can't google it. I don't have my name on it. And if I mention work on it, so what? No names, no specific places. I would never and have never mentioned this blog at work. I write how I feel at the moment I'm writing, I write what happened to me lately, etc. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I'm blissfully happy. It changes daily. I will not be mentioning my private blog at work, and it would be nice if no one else did. It's not a secret, it's just mainly private. I choose not to put certain thoughts on here that I would put in a diary, and I also choose not to post it on facebook and stuff.
Drama: it's just funny.
The last few times I've been been baked I've realized that I actually really like work. I might have mentioned this before, not sure. I've become really comfortable and I enjoy most of the staff. (Although I still don't know a lot of the serving staff's names...They don't wear name tags!) I really hope Victoria will be as good. I should try to go for a drink next time I make the trip down, which I guess will be next week. Unfortunately my days off aren't together, but I'll work around it. I get to bring some stuff down with me to make the final moving easier. So far I've got some books and DVD's packed. Come to think of it, I could fit my little prop bench and one of my storage drawer/dresser thingies in my car as well. The only really big thing I have to take is my bed... Note to self: I really should have made friends with people who have trucks.
The train to Victoria! Still haven't done it and time is running out. I suppose I could always take it to Nanaimo to visit instead of down to Vic... Good, now I feel better about missing that summer goal.
I finally sat down and read some of "A New Earth" yesterday. Good stuff about the ego making identity to keep itself strong and being dependent on ego identity. Being attached to material things and emotional patterns, etc. Taking things personally when they don't need to be. I liked recognizing one of the four agreements in it because that's a good key to knowing that they are all pointing to the same truth. The trouble is just in achieving it. Lifelong journey, I suppose. I clued into one of my own most obvious ego identifications, which was really cool. Awareness is the most important step.
Drama: it's just funny.
The last few times I've been been baked I've realized that I actually really like work. I might have mentioned this before, not sure. I've become really comfortable and I enjoy most of the staff. (Although I still don't know a lot of the serving staff's names...They don't wear name tags!) I really hope Victoria will be as good. I should try to go for a drink next time I make the trip down, which I guess will be next week. Unfortunately my days off aren't together, but I'll work around it. I get to bring some stuff down with me to make the final moving easier. So far I've got some books and DVD's packed. Come to think of it, I could fit my little prop bench and one of my storage drawer/dresser thingies in my car as well. The only really big thing I have to take is my bed... Note to self: I really should have made friends with people who have trucks.
The train to Victoria! Still haven't done it and time is running out. I suppose I could always take it to Nanaimo to visit instead of down to Vic... Good, now I feel better about missing that summer goal.
I finally sat down and read some of "A New Earth" yesterday. Good stuff about the ego making identity to keep itself strong and being dependent on ego identity. Being attached to material things and emotional patterns, etc. Taking things personally when they don't need to be. I liked recognizing one of the four agreements in it because that's a good key to knowing that they are all pointing to the same truth. The trouble is just in achieving it. Lifelong journey, I suppose. I clued into one of my own most obvious ego identifications, which was really cool. Awareness is the most important step.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
They were sitting on the strawberry swing
A PLACE TO LIVE!
Last night I hung out with this girl Tina, whom I'd been emailing back and forth about her craiglist ad. We spent a bit less than three hours chatting about living situations and what we're like and life stuff in general. I brought Marlowe so Tina could see if she's allergic. And we decided to sleep on it... She emailed me this morning and invited me to live with her! HURRAY!
It's a cozy 50's house in a quiet neighbourhood right behind Hillside Mall. There are only 2 grounded plugs, which kinda sucks but I'll work around. The bedroom isn't huge, but it's not super tiny. The backyard is quite big and there's a clothesline and a washer and dryer. Oh, and she's 22 and owns the house. So she's like my landlord, but better because I've talked to her and I know she won't freak out if I smoke after work.
Last night I hung out with this girl Tina, whom I'd been emailing back and forth about her craiglist ad. We spent a bit less than three hours chatting about living situations and what we're like and life stuff in general. I brought Marlowe so Tina could see if she's allergic. And we decided to sleep on it... She emailed me this morning and invited me to live with her! HURRAY!
It's a cozy 50's house in a quiet neighbourhood right behind Hillside Mall. There are only 2 grounded plugs, which kinda sucks but I'll work around. The bedroom isn't huge, but it's not super tiny. The backyard is quite big and there's a clothesline and a washer and dryer. Oh, and she's 22 and owns the house. So she's like my landlord, but better because I've talked to her and I know she won't freak out if I smoke after work.
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