What did I give to you, what did you give to me? A nothing trail of silences that warp in the rain.

Separated. Is it because my practiced walls spring up at a moment's notice, especially in a hospital? Is it because I never felt like I knew him much? I've got the ache in my chest, but my eyes are dry so far. I'm really not feeling it. I feel terrible and like a cold hearted bitch. I don't feel connected to this soon to be death. I'm sorry he's on life support. I don't feel it. I'm sorry he wasted his life with booze. I don't feel it. I will help the ways I can, but I just don't want to do the mourning again. I want anything but the grief. I want this year to be over now. I can't take much more of this. Or I can. But it's just closing me off more and more. I don't like the way it changes me. I feel it.