You'll never find it if you're looking for it

OK. Some thoughts that were floating around my head on the drive home and in my alone time in my car...
-i find that being in this time of life makes me often feel like a person assembling the pieces of self, or a person slowly brushing sand or dirt away from the total being. I keep discovering more of myself, and discovering some things that make me actually proud of my own nature. Perhaps that is snobby of me, but whatever. I like a lot of "me," whoever that is.
-there aren't too many things that make me crinkle into a ball of enjoyment and glee. Marlowe is one of them. But she does need to lose some weight.
-i almost want to just halt my schooling and work for a while, learn more about myself, learn about life in general, perhaps find a drive...
-the only thing i really want right now in terms of life goals, is to move out. I would love love love to live by myself. I want it. I want.
-sex is confusing
-people being honest about who they are is beautiful.
-hmmm.
-i just want to hang out or do nothing tomorrow. i want more freedom, the last remaining hours.
-i like it when i feel strong. mentally, emotionally, whatever. i don't want to be vindictive, though. don't need that.
-pain/pleasure. both necessary.
-i wonder if i can keep that mint plant alive much longer. i try to think positive things at it.
-i think the same about the catnip plant. i would be sad for marlowe if that one died. she likes to get a little high. not often though.
-sometimes she sounds so grumpy. like a naggy girlfriend.
-which reminds me: spencer and rick, if you two had a "song," i vote it would be "blue and yellow" by the used. that song is about friendship. but it sounds romantic. but not? JUST LIKE YOU.
-hehehehehehehehee.
-i think i'm done. twas an excellent night. merci.